New Town, Myspace Hookup, she has a boyfriend? |
I am 24 years old and divorced as of a few months ago.
I just moved to another state and work most of the time so I don't have
any friends down here. I have a Myspace page so I started browsing
through some of pages people had in the area when I came across one that
caught my eye. While I was looking at this girls page I noticed a
picture of her in her apartment and realized that she lives at the same
complex as I do. so I messaged her telling her a little bit about me and
said that was just looking for a few friends to hang out with. It took
her almost two weeks but she finally messaged me back saying that she
normally didn't respond to random guys like myself but for some reason
decided to anyways.
She left me her phone number and she stated that she had a boyfriend and
that if I was just using Myspace as a dating service not to call her. A
few days later I called her on a Friday night as like I said just wanted
to meet some people. She was dropping off her 8 month old baby at her
dad's house and would be back in town in a couple hours. So when she got
home she took a shower and we went home for a few drinks and a little
singing.
A few drinks turned into a lot and we ended up playing tag like little
kids in Walmart at 3 am. The next day (she stayed at her house Friday
night) she called me in the morning and said that she was going bowling
with her boyfriend. I jokingly referred to him as the other guy which
she said "dont say it like that it sounds so bad haha".
Saturday night she was going out with some girls from her work about an
hour away and asked if I would meet up with her to do some dancing. I
told her I couldn't because I didn't want to drive that far after
drinking so she said she would call when she was home. At 3 am she
called me and came over (drunk of course) and we listened to music, did
some singing, and watched a movie, then went to sleep. Towards the end
of the night at some point she kissed me. Then there was more kissing
but nothing else until we went to sleep (since she was drunk).
We woke up around 10 am but stayed in bed till almost 4 in the
afternoon. during that time there was some more kissing and a little
more. Later that day her boyfriend called and wanted her to come over.
Not able to get out of it she went to his house. A couple hours later
she called me saying he went to the store for a min and couldn't talk
long and was now referring to him as "the other guy". after a few
minutes I let her go telling her to call me in the morning when she
wakes up (knowing she was probably staying over there). I got out of
work the next day at noon and when I got home I ran into her outside
(she never called).
She said she was leaving to run to the store to get some food and she
said she would call when she got home. 4 hours go by and i decided to
text her to see if she wants to go to dinner, but she never texted me
back nor called. Now I don't know if she is avoiding me or if something
has changed. I am completely and totally hung up on this girl and I find
myself not even able to think straight.
I even look at my phone like every five minutes to see if she text me. I
know it's probably bad that she has a boyfriend, but like I said this
was all completely by accident. I didn't even feel like this when i met
my exwife. Now I have no idea what to do. I know that she has said that
she likes the guy she is dating but has also said that he is boring,
doesn't get along with his 7 year old, and he is ten years older than
she is (she is 25). What should I do? I know I shouldn't be pushy. Even
if she doesn't leave her boyfriend I still don't want to loose her as a
friend since that was the goal to begin with. Thank you for any help i
can get.
Thomas |
| Answer: |
Dear Thomas
Risky waters your swimming in right now, it's an interesting thing
being
fresh on the scene in a new city. Although emotions can run rampid
(infatuation at it's finest) I would be careful of delving deeper
into this
relationship you've found yourself in. If you looked at from an
outsider's
point of view I think you would see that there are quite a few
problems with
the situation you've found yourself in.
To start off with I've never been much to promote snaking in on
someone
else's partner. Although it takes two to tango (I.E she shouldn't be
sending
vibes your way) you shouldn't be making it any easier for her. Out
of
respect for your fellow man, you shouldn't be getting involved with
this
girl in any way other then friendship until/if she breaks up with
her
current boyfriend. She may say she is "bored" of him but he still
manages to
keep her interested enough for them to be dating. Be weary of her
one sided
stories. I've met many "serial daters" in my travels and they are by
far
some of the most alluring yet dangerous women to encounter.
To play the devil's advocate, say you did manage to get this girl
away from
her current boyfriend, is that any way to meet a partner. This
sounds awfully
cliché but do on to others as you would like to be done to you. If
you end
up with this girl through another guy what would stop her from doing
it to
you later down the road. Infatuation is a powerful thing and
sometimes
through it's blissful illusions we can find ourselves experiencing
emotions
that seem ultimately profound. Also understand that sometimes
circumstance
has a lot to be play with what is being felt.
You're new to the city and new to being single again, this leaves
you in a
very vulnerable position to adjust to. As it sounds she is one of
the first
people you've met in the city and it just so happens that she's got
some
looks to her as well. She has the ability to seemingly fix a lot of
your
needs, yet these fixes may be temporary. I think there are a lot of
safer
ways to meet a girl then this one.
The fact is that good looking women have a lot of good looking
friends (good
friends that might be single). If you slow this down a bit and turn
it back
into a platonic relationship (before things get weird) you will have
a
better chance of maintaining and possibly expanding this friendship.
It's ok
to flirt, but actions shouldn't be kept to a dull roar. Make friends
with
her boyfriend (might make it easier to keep things platonic if you
know who
your messing with). Making friends and acquaintances has a bit of a
snowball
effect if you do it properly, get out there and network.
Best of Luck!
-Nate Lovestruck |
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