Love ends up with roommate |
I believe that I have one of the worst situations that anyone could ever have. Basically, I met this girl from work about a year ago, and was instantly attracted to her. I got her number and we started to hang out. We even went on a few dates. We became really good friends over time. But the more I got to know her, the more I wanted to be with her. I held off telling her this, for fear of ruining what we already had, but my longings just got stronger and stronger. I started sending small signals to her, and I thought she was
receiving them and sending them back. I misread a lot of signals and I ended up falling in love with her, and I thought she felt the same. So, I confronted her with this, only to find out that she never thought I felt that way, and that actually, she was attracted to my best friend/roommate. I was in shock at first, but the next morning, I woke up to find her and my roommate in bed together. I flipped out and went into this deep
depression for a few weeks. I am getting over it now, but I still have to see them together everyday, knowing full well they are sleeping together. It is tough. If you have anything at all that could help me with my situation, I would greatly
appreciate it. Thanks,
Tony |
| Answer: |
Dear Tony
Sorry to hear things aren't working out between you and this girl, the
opposite sex can really be a headache to understand. If you're single and in
the "dating scene" your bound to get burned now and again. Infatuation is an
exciting thing, but it never quite guarantees success. Oddly I've found
throughout my experiences in this female phenomenon, the more I thought it
was going well, the more I was completely wrong. For the most part the best
rule of thumb is be "cool", and let your intentions be known from the start.
Although sending out the small signals feels less intimidating, it
can sometimes be hard to interpret. Lets face it, people like to flirt, and as much as it's
blatantly obvious this girl is flirting with you, she may not want anything
to do with you in "that way".
I'm afraid I can't give you much advice in the respect of getting this girl
"back" but merely a few wise words I've picked up along the way for the next
infatuation. Once a girl labels you "a friend" it's very rare that they'll
change their minds (lest there is a significant amount of time in between
the meetings). Girls are complex, as is every person your ever going to
meet. People don't know what's good for them, nor do they know what they
really want, most people just run off instinct.
First of all don't put
all your eggs in one basket, don't hang out with the same girl all the time.
If you have a few girls your interested in, your not going to make yourself
too available to just one and thus make yourself look more attractive.
Girl's smell desperation like a shark smells blood, except they don't like
it even half as much. If you have a few prospects vs. just one, you won't be
as emotionally invested and so if it doesn't work out you probably won't be
as devastated. If your looking for a relationship, one of these casual
flirtations will work itself into something real when the times right, not
forced.
I hate to say it but try not acting as interested in the people you like.
Ever notice the jerks seem to have all the babes? It's true! By masking your
undying "lust" for someone,
you can turn the tables and have the have them do the chasing. Leaves more room
for the hunt!
Finally and more importantly, add a touch of confidence to your game.
Nothing's less attractive then a guy who is nervous and unsure of himself.
It's time to build up your ego and let yourself feel good for the person you
are. It doesn't matter what you look like, if you walk around like your
worth a million dollars, your vibe will reflect that. Of course be wary,
confidence and cockiness is a thin line, but keeping it at the right level
will definitely help you out. If you think things are going well between you
and a girl, get over your fear and make a move. What's the worse that could
happen, they could push you away, big deal, you both smile and it's
forgotten soon enough. Don't fall in love with a girl before you know she's
yours, it will just lead to a lot of unneeded pain. Sometime's it can't be helped,
but don't let them know you worship them, it rarely works.
Long story short, it's never going to be easy, but the more you try, the
better chances of success. I suggest if your still in a rut over this girl,
you deal with it and work on getting back to a productive headspace. As they
say " there are plenty of fish in the sea" and I'm sure your capable of
snagging your share of the catch. Seeing as though your stuck living with
your roommate you really only have two choices. To be bitter, or to accept
this girl as a friend and that's it. Start hitting the gym, start going out
and meeting new people, and I'm sure you'll find a girl that likes you for
you.
Best of Luck!
-Nate Lovestruck
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