6 Year relationship goes bad, Was it my insecurities? |
I don't know what to do anymore. I was with my partner
for 6 years, and he recently ended it with me for someone he met at
work. The two of us have been through so much together, and as we were engaged, we were planning on getting married next year.
We were even making plans a couple of weeks ago for our future, and now all of a sudden he doesn't love me anymore.
I know that I've got problems, I'm a very insecure person. I wanted to be with him every moment of every day,
so I know that I've pushed the love of my life into the arms of someone else.
I've had to come down to my mums in ______, as I'm totally devastated. When
I tried phoning him, it's like talking to a stranger, he doesn't want to talk to me anymore.
I've got to go home next week, and he'll still be in our flat. I do still really love him and
I wish we could be together again. Sadly I know that I could never trust him ever again.
I'm scared that I'll never meet anyone again, and that I'll never trust anyone again.
I really don't know what to do?
Kelly |
| Answer: |
Dear Kelly
Being left for another person is a painful thing to experience. A
total betrayal of ones trust as well as a heavy blow to our
confidence levels. I'm sorry to hear it ended up this way, although
I wouldn't completely blame yourself.
We all have our quirks, and although you feel your a bit insecure,
no one's perfect. Love's keen eye will not wonder unless love allows
it to wonder. Long term relationships rarely end for just one
reason, it's usually a collective of problems that adds up and
breaks at a moment of weakness. ( Such as hooking up with a
co-worker in a moment of temptation=weakness )
An over eagerness to spend time with your partner may have been a
contributor to his escape, but I doubt it was the only thing.
Relationships are a two way street, perhaps some things just weren't
being fulfilled. Having a relationship last 6 years is not an easy
thing to achieve. I doubt this "insecurity" remained unnoticed this
entire time, he had probably accepted it by now. If it was that
torturous to deal with, it wouldn't have lasted as long as it did.
Tis an odd thing how your former love can turn from a passionate
sweetheart to a awkward stranger. You listen to their voice, the way
they look at you and notice it just isn't the same. Perhaps an
overcompensation on their part to get the point across, or a state
of denial for their feelings for you, whatever the case your love is
now dimmed in a mist of mixed emotions. Love rarely flips the switch
over night, and I doubt after six years he's completely "over you".
The fact of the matter is that he's trying something new, and sadly
the quickest way to dim the feelings, is to be with someone
else.
After these things happen a lot of insecurities arise. You scan your
memory and realize that you've had more experiences with this person
then without, or at least that's what it feels like. The world seems
a lot colder, and the idea of ever opening up to someone like this
again seems impossible. The painful sting of heartbreak, it's not
going to be an easy one to get over, but someday you'll be able to
love again.
If it looks like things aren't going to reconcile I suggest doing your best to
get it off your mind. There's no better time to get out of the
house, put on some nice clothes and hang out with some friends.
Perhaps start a work out routine, the better you feel about yourself
physically, the more you'll feel confident mentally. Use this
emotion to jump start your mental state, use it as motivation to
make yourself the best you, you can be.
Some articles that you may find of interest
 How To Get Over A Broken Heart...
The Right Way!
The 6 Stages of a Broken Heart
The Mind Of The Broken Hearted
I hope all goes well, best of luck.
-Nate Lovestruck
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