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Baby on the way, it turns out my boyfriend is married

I have been seeing this guy for a little over a year now, we fell in love and everything fell right into place. Next think you know we are living in an apartment together an I got pregnant. After talking to my parents they suggested I have the baby closer to home, so I convinced my boyfriend for us to move in for a while to help us save a little cash. A little while after his job relocated him to a different state and I'm stuck here living with my parents alone. It's been roughly 5 months since he left and I'm almost due( he visits me every few weeks, a weekend at a time). A few days ago he confesses that he is married with two kids. I asked why he never told me this before and he responded with a "I don't know. Now he's being very distant and I'm left feeling stupid. Everything was fine until he told me the truth. We're no experts on on the whole long distance relationship thing, but since he's told his secret he's been acting really mean to me. I told him we need to talk about it some more and he refuses. He says its his problem. Now I'm scared and I don't know what's going on, he talks to me like he's on edge and sounds like he's going to break it off with me, but doesn't. It hurts and is stresses me out. (It's not good for the pregnancy b/c I hardly eat when I'm stressed) I told him this and he doesn't seem to care. What's going on.

Larissa

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Dear Larissa

It sounds like this guy is way over his head and doesn’t quite know how to deal with the problems he created for himself. He’s probably feeling very stressed out because you are pregnant with his child and most likely his wife doesn’t even know you exist. Cheating on one’s spouse is one thing, having a child with someone else while you are still married is quite another.

Have you talked about what he’s going to do? Will he leave his wife and other children for you? From what I read in your letter I don’t think he will. He’s probably trying to weasel his way out of the situation by treating you badly, hoping that you’ll end the relationship and he’ll be able to go on his merry way like nothing ever happened.

At this point I don’t think there is much you can do. Forcing someone to be with you isn’t the answer, even if a baby is involved. Forget about him for the moment and focus on what is best for you and your unborn baby. Whether or not he stays with you or goes back to his wife is a decision he has to make, you can't do anything about it. Either way someone will get hurt - you or his other family.

My best advice would be to stop seeing him, at least while you’re still pregnant. Caring for a child starts when they are still in the womb. Not eating and high stress levels aren’t good for either one of you and can sometimes cause pregnancy complications. Your child is more important than any man, so just forget about him for now and focus on what matters most.

Although I hope for your sake that everything works out for the best, you might have to bring up this child alone. When the baby is born make sure to include his name on the birth certificate so that you are able to go after him for child support. He has obligations to your child even if he doesn’t want to be with you. Don’t let your pride get in the way, make sure your child gets what is rightfully his/hers.

I do wish you the best of luck and would like to say that even though things look bad at the moment, things usually work out for the best. If you and this guy were meant to be together it will happen. For the moment just focus on staying positive and do the best you can do so you have a healthy baby.

I hope things looks better soon

-Nate Lovestruck

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