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Dear Almen
Marriage is a complicated process both in mind and spirit. Training
yourself to overcome the fears of commitment can be a tedious and
grueling task. It's a destruction of mental walls, a total giving
of ones spirit, a renovation of our unconscious mind to create and
maintain an eternal union. For whatever reason we fear commitment,
it can have a disastrous effect on our relationships. By not
proposing until the relationship was getting rocky your partner may
have worried about the sincerity of your proposal, to be sure you
are requesting her hand in marriage for the right reasons.
When relationships are threatened, emergency protocols are throw
into play. As if programmed by instinct, our mind realizes that we may
loose our mate and sends us into a delirium of "shape up or ship
out" head spaces. Suddenly the intensity of our passions enflame,
new levels are achieved and as if on some love sick high we are
ready to compromise and change our mindsets. In
your case, marriage begins to sound like a better idea. Thus you act
on it, flooded by a wave of emotion, new realizations emerge and
morph. Due to the nature of your timing on the proposal your
sweetheart may have sensed the possible fear in the proposal thus
she has requested a bit of time to judge if your actions are being made for
the right reasons.
The holy union of two people should not be taken lightly. Evaluate
the reasons for which you are suddenly finding yourself more in
love. Make sure your newfound proposal wasn't merely induced by
fear. Marriage should be intended to last "till death due us part"
and should not be rushed into for fear of loosing someone. Work on
conquering your fears of commitment by learning to slowly trust
people again. A fear of commitment can be derived from a fear of
being betrayed. Start off small, and work on committing to things
more often. Push through the thoughts that everyone is going to
potentially hurt you and work on being more optimistic.
I suggest that you do take your girlfriend up on her offer of
waiting 6 months to a year. Marriage is a big commitment and you
don't want to rush into it for the wrong reasons. You have your
entire life to spend with this woman. If you both truly love each
other waiting awhile won't change anything and will only strengthen
your relationship. Take this time to think, personal re-evaluation of thoughts and concepts.
The
more you understand yourself, the easier things will be.
~Best of luck~
-Nate Lovestruck
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