moving on - Broken Hearted, My ex is in love with another |
I Am 22 years old and this was the first time I was
able to experience what love truly is. I enjoyed every waking moment
whenever I was him him, but like people say, all great things must come
to and end. When I found out that he was still in love with his ex
girlfriend I had to give him up. We broke up last month. Initially I
thought I was ok and ready to move on, but now I'm thinking otherwise.
Lately my thoughts of him seem to linger on my mind. Before I go to
sleep and whenever I wake up in the morning, I can still recall our good
memories together and seem to find myself wondering what went wrong. Is
there something I did wrong that caused him to still love his ex
girlfriend, or maybe he never loved me at all. I have never been so
happy, just like what they say, it was as if I was in the clouds. Maybe
it's embarrassing that I haven't experienced love before 22 but that''s
how it worked out. I thought I was moving on but right now I tend to
find myself missing him more then anything. I am so afraid of the places
that we used to go into... HELP!
Bashley |
| Answer: |
Dear Bashley
First off all, don't be embarrassed that you haven't fallen in love
before 22, we all do things at our own speed. There's nothing wrong with
that.
Everything that your feeling right now is perfectly normal, the road to
getting over a lost love is full of insecurity and saddened reminiscing.
We are creatures of habit and change is always a bit scary, even if it
is good for us.
Often when we're freshly escaped from a passionate relationship we can
usually pull of the confidence for the first little while quite well. As
if in a odd stage of denial we pretend that everything is perfectly fine
and that our former love will be easily replaced. More often then not a
few weeks into the breakup, it hits us like punch in the face. You start
to remember old times, you miss their odd quirks, and what's worse you
start to fully reevaluate your former relationship.
"Did they ever really care about me?"
"Was I so blinded by love that I never noticed they were pinning for
another?"
"Was the whole relationship a lie?"
"Was it my fault things ended up the way they did...?"
These are all thoughts most of us have pondered at one moment or another
after we "come down from the clouds" so to speak. As you sit there
feeling upset your mind seeks validation. If your going to be feeling
sad about something your mind wants to confirm that it was justified,
thus all the insecurities sink in.
I suppose what you have to consider is not what you analyze now, more of
what you felt at the moment. You worry that he may have never loved you,
that you may have been the cause for his "falling out of love". These
are all rational thoughts, but not the right way to think. When
relationships end we often overanalyze beyond what we should. If you
felt in love at the time, and you were both happy, what does it all
matter. To appreciate love for what it was, not for what it is now.
Wonderful memories should be cherished not blacklisted, even if they can
no longer be. Your smarter then you give yourself credit and if you felt
it then, I'm sure it was real.
Long relationships are hard, and unless you were planning on marrying
each other, they usually plateau at some point. Things had started to
cool off for one reason or another and having not fully dealt with his
feelings for his ex when he should have they came back to haunt him. The
human mind is a mysterious thing, why people feel they way they do will
always be somewhat unknown. The important thing to remember here is that
its not your fault. If he is legitably in love with his ex that's his
deal, nothing you could have done would have changed that.
First loves are always going to be a hard one to get over, and its no
doubt you'll remember him forever. Learn to accept that things are going
to be different, and the journey ahead is going to be a rough one.
Places, objects, smells and tastes may remind you of the good times of
the past, but they are over now, it's time too look onto the horizon and
live once again. Take your time in getting over this and avoid taking
the easy way out, this will just cause the process to go slower.
Remember the good, forget the bad, and stop analyzing. As the days roll
on, the memories will grow fainter, the flutters will subside and
eventually as quick as it came on, the pain will disappear, like a flip
of a switch.
Some Articles that may be of interest
The Mind Of The Broken Hearted
A Small Glimpse of the Realities of Love
The 6 Stages of a Broken Heart
Mending a broken heart can be tough
I hope this helps...
-Nate Lovestruck
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