How To Get Over A Broken Heart.. The Right Way!

by Nate Lovestruck

Better to have loved and lost than to have never loved at all...

When relationships go sour, our great loves lost to the confusion of the universe, it's very easy to be caught off guard. Initially we are find ourselves blessed with a feeling of freedom, a brand new start, where we can set new rules and reorganize our chaotic lives. A few days may pass as we quietly ignore the itching pain at the back of our mind telling us that something is horribly wrong.

Sadly in time our psyche eventually wonders back to our former love. Our body craves them, our mind wants them back, and a feeling of complete desperation kicks in. For whatever reason, something seems to be missing. We can't necessarily pin point the key attribute that we crave, only that as a package they seemed so unique. How are we to ever live without this person, "I swear he/she was the one", we think to ourselves. At this point we may try to get our love back, trying to convince them that things have changed and we want another chance. The sad fact of the matter is that by this point, it is often too late.


Once you recognize that getting back together is no longer an option comes the sudden realization that you have some serious mental spring cleaning to do. The problem is, where do you start and where do you put all of this excess emotion. Everyone has their own unique break up procedure. Some may isolate themselves in bed for weeks on end, while others find their comfort in a liquid form. Whatever the case, anything to aid the mission, to keep your mind off the empty hole in your chest.

The argument I want to bring up here is not how to get over someone as quickly as possible but how to get over someone the right way, without resentment and with more understanding. Although this way of thinking is much harder then the quick route, in the end you'll come out of it as a much stronger person. I have found no better inspiration in life then that of one from a broken heart, what better time for getting well acquainted with yourself then that of a time where most of your mental walls are at their weakest.

"To appreciate the highs, one has to understand the ever following lows"

I have never been able to achieve such a thorough "mental rehaul" as I have been able to after a long term relationship. As near impossible as it may seem, you have to dissociate yourself from the situation and try to look at it from a rational point of view. The heart broken tend to over analyze, the good, the bad, and everything in between. Often you can find yourself concentrating on what you did wrong, rarely noting what the other person contributed to the relationship's failure. It's easy to individualize everything to make yourself feel like the bad guy, but it's definitely a two way street.

5 Steps to Getting over a Broken Heart the Right Way

Take the proper time out
Make sure you give yourself a proper amount of healing time, otherwise you may be paying for it later. Like walking on a broken leg, your heart needs time to heal as well. Although filling the void with a new person is tempting, it generally leads to disaster. It alleviates the pain of now, but generally remains at the back of your mind festering. You don't want to explain to your new partner 3 months down the line that you still love your ex, it won't go over very well.

Find a way to express your emotionss
Write, draw or doodle, and try find someway to convert your insecurities to something constructive. Why is 75% of music and poetry about heartbreak or lost love, coincidence, I think not. Writing helps organize the bubbling thoughts in your mind. Arguments and inconsistencies that you'd generally like to harass you ex over will roam the mental plane until they get a chance to escape in one way or another. Best to let them out on paper, instead of over the phone 5 sad tequila shots into the night.

Avoid over analysis
It's going to be tempting to over think everything, but it definitely not recommended.

  • Were they lying to me the entire time?
  • Will I ever love someone like this again?
  • When did they fall out of love with me?"
  • When they said they were just friends with that guy, were they?
  • Did I impact them, or will I be forgotten?"

No matter what the circumstance, there's always going to be some unanswered questions. The smallest details suddenly seem important, and your mind craves nothing but the truth. You know the relationship is over, but for some reason you want it to be justified. Sadly, lost love doesn't always have a reason, it just happens, and the answer you seek may not exist. Do your best to constructively get your mind off of things.

Seek Closure
After you've dealt with most of your mental recovery its time to get your closure. It's different for every person but this is the key moment you get over your ex. Like a flip of the switch, the pain will be greatly relieved. The realization that things will never be the same again, and that your ready to accept it and move on with your life. It's never definite what will set this change reaction off, but it is necessary for your mind to be at peace.

Accepting Your new reality... Without Resentment
The heartbreak is over, and your ready to step out into the world, what now? Your past relationship was full of great memories, experiences and adventures, why put negative feelings towards them just because things didn't work out?

"It is better to have loved and lost than to have never loved at all."
One should appreciate love for what it was, not for what it is now, even if it can no longer be. The Lies, deception, and miscommunication around the end should not ruin your interpretation of the experience as a whole. What you should concentrate on is how you felt at the time, not what your current reality is. You enjoyed it at the time, and you want to live without regret.

Let's hope to be able to look back upon the good memories with your ex and feel warm, knowing that they are over and will never be again, but to appreciate them none the less for what they were. When you can remember the old times warmly without pining for them you'll know that you've reached a new level of mental enlightenment.

Just remember the most powerful tool in healing a broken heart is time.

Still Feeling upset? Read this article : The Mind of The Broken Hearted